One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
by UchihaofthesandS
Summary: "I've never told anyone about my little... Issue. But it's not like anyone needs to know, and if they did, I'd probably end up in St. Mungo's with all the other looneys." Hermione deals with the repercussions of the war with the help of her best friends and best enemy.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: I do not claim any rights to the Harry Potter franchise in any way.**

**One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

**Chapter 1**

Today is the hottest Wednesday this spring. Sitting on the couch in my parent's foyer I lean my head back on the headrest, allowing the fan above me to blow semi-cold air on my face and neck. A warm, humid breeze blows through the windows, spilling perfumed air throughout the house. I wipe the sticky sweat plastering my hair to my forehead away and take a deep breath, trying to clear my mind of the horrors flickering through it.

One year. A whole year has passed since the war against Voldemort. One whole year of trial after trial, convicting the remaining few Death Eaters to life sentences in Azkaban. A whole freaking year of looking into the eyes of the men and women who killed my classmates, who ruined my home life, and who damaged my mind, soul, and body beyond repair.

"You have to stop thinking about it that way, 'Mione." I roll my eyes behind my lids. He always has had an uncanny ability to know what my thoughts are before they even pass my lips. Sitting up I lock onto the rumpled mess of black hair and wisdom-filled green eyes belonging to the man sitting on my father's recliner.

"It's the truth. Nothing will ever be the same." I whisper, sitting foraward. Visions of flashing green lights and frigid cold air envelop me. I see the empty look in the eyes that gazed up at me. Dead. Gone. Like they were never truly there, and like they never truly left.

"True. It will never be the same. But you are not damaged. You are only what you make of yourself. Everyone faces hardships, and everyone faces the after effects of war. You are strong, and you will return to yourself again. You have to let go." Oh Harry. Always so full of wisdom, even before the day we met. Such a young boy with so many horrors. How he has always kept a clear head (most of the time) and lived such a full life, I will never know.

"You don't understand. I don't WANT to let go!" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop myself, but I know they are true. I can't stop now. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to face what we went through and I don't want to move on. There's nothing out there for me…"

The quizzical look on his face would be humorous if I weren't deadly serious.

"That's… That's why I'm helping with these convictions. These people… These MONSTERS. They need to suffer like we have. They need to be punished for everything they have done." My stomach is knotted, like it always is when I talk about my job. Working as a second to the Ministry in order to see them put in Azkaban was all I could really agree to do. I don't have the motivation to get a different job or start a career. I just want them punished.

"You have so much to give to any career you choose, Hermione! You are so smart and wonderful! You deserve more than sitting every day in that dark room and living through the war over and over every day. It's sick!" He's standing up and pacing a hole in the carpet now. "You were going to use your talents for something better! You were going to be better than all of us! And you won't! You have to! Please!"

"Harry, I don't want to talk about this anymore..." I groan. "We have this same conversation weekly. And it always ends the same way."

"We have to talk about it 'Mione. Over and over until you listen to me. You have to go and DO something. I can't stand seeing you wallow around this house anymore!" I roll my eyes. Always the same thing. 'You need to move on. You need to do something. Blah, blah, blah.'

"I don't wallow." I huff at him. I'm answered with a short raspberry. I swear sometimes he makes me want to hit him.

"I don't know where and when you picked up that habit but it has got to go." I frown at him.

"You're fault." And he's grinning again. How does he always do that? Even in the middle of the war he found a way to keep a smile on his face. I don't think I even know how to use those muscles anymore, and if I did, it would be too painful to follow through. I want to be like that again but… I can't.

"Yes. You can." He whispers, locking his eyes onto mine.

"Hermione?" I fly off the couch and whirl around as my mum comes bustling in the door to the foyer, arms full of groceries.

"Mum. I didn't hear you come in!" I shout, not meaning to react so strongly. She looks at me confused. "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to you being home so early!"

"Well I didn't have any more appointments for the night so I decided to grab some stuff to make some pies with you." She smiles sweetly at me over the island as she put the bags down. Looking around she asks me, "Were you talking to someone?"

"No, just thinking out loud." I reply quickly. "Trying to figure out how to clean up this case to present Friday morning."

"Ah, the Malfoy Sr. case, yes?" I hear her respond from the refrigerator.

"Yes but I would appreciate you not commenting on it, it's relatively secret until we finish and he is convicted." Making my way across the room I sit on the bar stool and watch her put away the groceries. I tried putting them away magically one time, but she insisted that household chores such as putting away groceries and making dinner where to be done by hand or they weren't done right.

"Oh right. Sorry about that. Well you will have to fill me in when it's all said and done, alright?" I just nodded. "Right. Well. How about I'll get started on these pies and you go take a walk or something. You've been locked in this house for a while now. You need to go get some fresh air."

"No that's alright I'll help with the pies." Going out in this disgusting hot weather was the last thing I want to do. But when I looked up at my mother's face I realized this was not a suggestion. With a sigh I nodded my head and began to tie up my hair.

"Yes I guess you're right. I guess I'll just… Take a short walk or something." I mumbled. The smile on her face was all the answer I needed as I stood up and proceeded towards the door.

oOoOoOo

A couple of hours had passed of mindless wandering before I stopped short at the steel gate in front of me. My feet had led me to the same place that they always did when I was forced out of my house by my loving mother.

I felt like I had no control over my body as I reached up to unlock the gate and drifted down the cobblestone walkway. One of the most meticulously gardened graveyards sprung up around me, stretching out just to the end of my sight. The bright white headstones littered the ground, with bushes of all kinds of magical flowers and plants all around.

I continued down the path to the large memorial in the center of the yard, my eyes locked onto the overbearing stone.

"Of course this is where you would come." Ron leaned against the memorial in front of me, his hands deep in his pockets. I shrugged and stopped just in front of him.

"Where else would I go?" He laughed at me.

"I dunno. Somewhere… Nice?"

"This place IS nice, Ronald." I frowned, looking around at the gorgeous landscaping.

"It's a graveyard, 'Mione. No matter how beautiful the plants are, this is not _nice_. Go to a café or something. Stick your nose in a book. Stop coming here."

"You can't tell me what to do, Ron." I snapped back, and ran my hand across the stone. I looked back up at him to see sorrow and amusement in his eyes.

"Too right you are. Never could. But it never stopped me from trying." He whispered. His eyes lingered on me as I walked along the edge of the monument. "Please, 'Mione. Leave. We don't want to see you upset again."

It was useless telling him that I was always in a constant state of misery. Still I ran my fingers in the engravings and felt the tears sting in the back of my eyes. Two hands gripped my shoulder and I knew both of them were flanking me, as they always used to. I stared up at the names of the two men I loved most in the world, and my heart threatened to fall out of my chest.

In loving memory of all those who served in the wizarding war:

Harry James Potter

Ronald Bilius Weasley

"I miss you guys…"

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**So… I rewrote this chapter for a third time because I have a different way that I'm going to go with it! BUT it's going to be awesome! : ) Let me know what you think! Any corrections and reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I've seen a couple followers but none of the reviews that I so desperately crave! Show me some love! : )**

**Chapter 2**

I've never told anyone about my little… issue. The one where I see and imagine feeling my two best friends with me. There's no point. I'd just end up in St. Mungo's with Lockhart and all the other loonys. But I'm not crazy… I don't think. I've just never… Been without them. I don't want to be without them ever.

To this day I can still see the looks on their faces when I messed up… And there they were, running towards me, trying to help. "Brightest witch of the age" they called me… and with a stupid mistake, I killed my best friends.

"Stupid!" I scream, chucking my book across the room. How am I supposed to concentrate on this case with their faces swimming before my eyes, blurring the words of my law book? How am I supposed to put Lucius into that hole when I can't even get past the image of him sneering down at me as his wretched cousin tortured me on the floor of his mansion?

In the corner of my eye I see the faint scar on my wrist and I can't stop the tears that break loose and the sob that I choke out. No matter how hard I fight the experiences are still fresh in my mind. And I hate myself.

"Don't." Two arms wrap around me from behind and I tense. I don't deserve this comfort. And still the warmth brings me back and I relax into them.

"We could have been together for the rest of our lives, Ron." I whisper, bringing my hands up to grasp him. "We could have had children together and raised them with Harry and Ginny's kids. We could have had a happy life. And I… I…"

"Stop blaming yourself. There was nothing you could do. It's time to move on…" His voice is barely above a whisper and it makes me feel worse. I pull away and go to grab my book.

"I need to get back to work." I huff, and he just gives that throaty chuckle that gives me chills. But by the time I look up after grabbing the book off the floor, he's gone.

oOoOoOo

"Ms. Granger! Ms. Granger, wait!" A wheezy voice calls from behind me as I cross the entranceway to board the elevator.

"Not now, Elsie. I have to be in the court room in fifteen minutes." I state matter-a-factly, continuing my route.

"Ms. Granger I'm sorry but you have a visitor who has been waiting for you for the last hour. He says it is very urgent and he needs to see you now." My assistant wheezed, tottling along beside me. I'm not sure what made me accept her as my assistant. Elsie is short, lazy, fat, and irritating as anyone could be. But I guess I like underdog's, seeing as I used to be one myself, so I took her on. As it was, right now she is having a good deal of trouble keeping up with me so I stop walking and turn towards her.

"Who?"

"He prefers to remain anonymous until you meet with him, ma'am." She replied, leaning over with her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

"Nonsense. Very well I shall go meet with him. Elsie please bring my notes down to court room 217 B and let them know I will be there shortly with my apologies." I sighed, gritting my teeth. I may not be the person I used to be, but I am still never late. So I haul off to the seventh floor to my office, determined to make this useless meeting with this un-named man, short and sweet.

However, Merlin had another idea when he set up this meeting, for standing over my desk flipping through one of my many books was the blond haired ferret, Draco Malfoy.

"You prefer to not give your name to my assistant, Malfoy?" I snapped, walking over to my desk and snapping the book shut before shooing him away. He looked at me narrowly before stepping to the other side of said desk and sitting down. "Knowing you I would have expected the whole company to know you were here, seeing as your bulbous head is already taking up all the air in the room."

"I assure you I do not have a bulbous head, Granger. And no, I did not feel the need to share my name with your assistant as I was sure you would not come, seeing as my father is eight floors below us and in chains right now." His face was the picture of calmness, not even a sneer grazed its features.

"Yes well, no worries. In a few hours I will have him in chains and many miles out in the Atlantic Ocean. In Azkaban. Now. If you do not mind, I see that this is indeed a waste of my time and I must be leaving to accomplish said goal." But as I headed for the door, Malfoy stood up and blocked my way.

"I actually do have something important to discuss with you, Granger. Unlike you seem to view it, this is a highly classified meeting and is utmost importance, and I ask that you take a moment of your time to hear me out." His voice was low and serious, and for some reason it gave me pause. So I sat back down in my chair and put a quill between my teeth and motioned for him to sit down.

"What is it that you so desperately need to talk to me about then, Malfoy?" He seemed to not have expected to have to be so up front about the conversation and instead looked at me for a moment before sitting.

"It's my… father." He said slowly. I felt my eyebrow raise as I gazed across at him. He had come to speak about his father to me? Was this a trick?

"And what about him?" I asked after a moment had gone by with no other comments.

"I would like to ask that you offer up a deal with my father. He pleads guilty to the crimes, however, he gives you information, and you allow him to be house arrest and prove that he is not the same man that he was."

I could not believe what I was hearing. Me? Make a deal with Lucius Malfoy, of all people?

"This had better be really good information, Malfoy, or I won't even consider it." I muttered over my quill, which I had dutifully begun chewing on.

"Over the course of six days my father with gather information on a Death Eater that he knows to be hiding out. On the seventh day we will meet together for a cordial dinner and he will inform you of all that he knows about the follower in question. This will continue until the remaining four are caught, at which point my father will be released of his house arrest and you will have your remaining four Death Eaters in jail."

"And why are you asking for this, Malfoy? I thought you hated your father." I stated, leaning back in my chair. A dark look covered his eyes before a more serious one took over.

"My father is not the same man he was while I was in grade school. Before the battle ended my family and I left Voldemort's group and moved on with our lives. Him and my mother both changed their ways, although their pureblood ideals are still in the process of being broken down, they have grown positively over the last year. Believe me I would not put my neck and status on the line if I did not believe so."

"Don't listen to him, the prat." Ron situated himself behind Malfoy, glaring holes in the back of his head. "He's just trying to make sure he doesn't go down with his father."

"Is that true or are you just being a prat?" I asked Ron.

"I'm not being a prat!" Malfoy and Ron exclaimed at me and I quickly locked eyes on Malfoy as Ron laughed.

"Oh… I don't know Malfoy. I know what a terrible person your father was. I find it hard to believe he has changed." I whispered, trying to move along from my absurd question that wasn't supposed to be directed at him.

"Look. Getting the remaining four into jail would be an amazing boost to your accreditation. And frankly, Granger, I know where you're leading the ministry looking for them and you're cold as ice. You need our help. And if my father doesn't turn them all up by the end of the month, and prove to you that he is a better man, then you can stick him in jail and you will hear no more of it from me."

"Don't do it, 'Mione." Ron frantically tried to bring my attention back to him, but, true to my nature, I ignore him.

"Done. One month. But if you don't hold up your end, he's in jail. For life."

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**Yayyy! Second chapter! Let me know what you think guys! So far I'm really happy with the way this is going. : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**Woo here's the next chapter guys! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 3

The battle going on inside of my head has reach World War III status. For the past year all I have thought about, dreamt about, and lived for was putting this man in jail. The man who almost got my best friend killed my second year, who has terrorized the Weasley family for much longer, and who's name still makes my blood run cold.

Lucius Malfoy.

And now, my sworn enemy has come to me, asking for me to give him a deal? Give him a chance to show he has changed? And I _agreed_?

I take a second and lean into the cold black wall of the corridor, only to fling around and punch the wall my back had previously occupied. Ridiculous! Malfoy isn't even my _friend_! Ugh! I pinch the bridge of my nose and pace up and down the corridor. I've already made the deal with Malfoy. I can't go back on it now. With all the bravery of a Gryffindor that I have left, I clench my jaw, straighten my back, and head towards to looming door of the court room… And my certain doom.

oOoOoOo

The room has all the appeal of a blast-ended skrewt. It's cold, dark, and musty smelling. Before the last year of Death Eater trials and the year of Muggle-born trials before that, these rooms were rarely used, and so, they were rarely cleaned more than a sweep of the cob webs and dust. Today the room is full of the whole Wizengamot, a whole branch of wizards and witches from the Ministry's Law branch, and a few onlookers, including Malfoy and his mother, Narcissa.

I don't make eye contact with anyone but the Minister as I walk in, taking my seat on his left side. I shuffle my work and look at all of my wasted time, notes, and dedication. But then it occurs to me that I will still be able to use these in a month's time when we're back here. And with an extra note of clarification that he can't, won't, and will never change.

With a small smirk I look to the middle of the room at the large black, steel cage that will momentarily hold Lucius Malfoy. He belongs in there for the rest of his life as far as I am concerned.

As the top of Lucius' head of bright blond hair begins to rise out of the floor I take a moment and look over at the other two Malfoy's and two bright steel blue eyes locked onto mine. It was only now that I noticed the calm determination in them. And the slight nervousness. Did he really think I was going to go back on my word? Once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor! I'm not a sneaky little Slytherin, building people's hopes up just to tear them down.

I tear my eyes away from his and bear down on the man before me, and a spark of irritation ignites me. Here before me stands a man who killed and tortured helpless people without so much as a flinch. And even after this year, he still stands dignified, proud, and flawless. Not a single scratch on his worthless body.

I feel sick.

The Minister stands up beside me, "Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. You are called here today to face your crimes as follows; Following He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as a known Death Eater, torturing muggles, torturing wizards, murder in the first, second, and third degree of muggles and wizards, attack on ministry employees, and the unlawful transfer of high-level secured information to enemies. How do you plead?"

My stomach turns again as I take a deep breath. Standing up I turn towards the minister and he looks at me quizzically.

"Minister, Lucius Malfoy has agreed to a deal in which he will plead guilty, upon being allowed to stay on house arrest while transferring information about the whereabouts of the last four Death Eaters," I whisper into his ear.

The alarm on his face makes me want to take it all back.

"Are you sure about this Ms. Granger?" He whispers back. The skin on his ears turns a deep red and for a moment my heart skips a beat and I forget where I am.

"Pay attention, 'Mione." Harry's voice is like a wisp of air beside me and I refocus.

"Yes I am sure. I have agreed upon the conditions with his family and they assure me that should we not have the Death Eaters in custody by the end of the month, and we have not seen a change in Lucius for the better by said time, Lucius will be sentenced to Azkaban." If his eyes crossed anymore he'd fall over, I'm certain of it.

"Very well," He sighs deeply at me, and I sit back down hastily. "Once again, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. How do you plead?"

Silence. Long, interrupted silence. And I know the word is stuck in the back of his throat like a muggle fry that just will not go down. But he keeps his composure. And straightening his back he proclaims himself guilty.

Applause and cheer ring out through the room. They all thought this was going to be a long battle, like it was for the others who all pleaded to not being guilty. One more down, four more to go, they think. Narcissa leans over and quietly sobs on her son's shoulder and my eyes narrow at him. How could he make a life-altering decision like this without his mother? And if he did, was it without his father's consent also?

I want to shrink down in my chair as the Minister yells for everyone to silence down and sit.

"Very well. Mr. Malfoy your sentence will be determined in the next court session dated for one month from today, May third. Court is dismissed." My knees are wobbly so I remain seated for the interim of everyone making a mad dash for the doors. Lucius is slowly lowered back into the floor and Malfoy and Narcissa remain seated down below. I lock eye contact with him one last time, just long enough to catch his slight nod, before gathering my notes, nodding at my assistant, and leave the room.

oOoOoOo

After I left the courtroom I headed straight to my office to write up the deal and finalize it. Seven hours later I found myself still at the desk, another fresh cup of coffee sitting next to me, and several discarded pieces of parchment overflowing the three trash cans in my office. Each version was just wrong, ranging from the first word to the last paragraph. Wrong, wrong, _wrong_! This whole situation is just _wrong_!

I crumple up my most recent parchment and toss it halfheartedly to the trash, not bothering to transport it the rest of the way when it lands in the middle of the dark green carpet. I then proceed to drop my head onto the desk and moan loudly.

I can't write this paper because I don't believe in it. I don't trust it. And I don't even know if it has even been agreed upon between all three Malfoy's, which leaves me in a rather rough situation. I don't like rough situations. Besides the ones that Harry and Ron used to get me into when we were kids, I never had them because nothing was ever _rough_ unless I made it that way. Take third year for example; I _chose _to take an inordinate amount of classes and run myself ragged. I was not talked into doing so and I certainly wasn't made to.

As such, I make my own choices. Which inevitably wind up being bad and ending me up in a place that I don't want to be: Like, in my office at two in the morning.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I notice a soft tapping on my window. Turning I see a handsome grey-horned owl standing there with a scroll conveniently wrapped in a green ribbon. Rolling my eyes I walk over to let the owl in, who just juts hit leg out to me. After taking the scroll I offer him a treat which he quickly turns his head from before flying off.

Apparently even the Malfoy's pets are rude. Sitting down at my desk I open the scroll and start on my next cup of coffee.

_ Granger,_

_ My father requests that you stop by tomorrow for lunch at the manor at 1 pm in order to go over the details of his deal and sentence. As it is a brunch at our manor he requests that you do not dress in your ordinary drab clothing._

I quickly glance down at my pencil skirt and white blouse with a small outcry. I do not dress in "drab clothing!" My choice of attire is strictly professional as it should be. It takes me a moment to deep breathing to not set the damn paper on fire before I begin reading.

_ We will be seated in the garden. Our house elf, Parsley, will be expecting you and will lead you to us._

_ Please do not be late,_

_ D. Malfoy_

Don't be late? Seriously! That man sure knows how to push my buttons! And what is he doing sending me an owl to my office at two in the morning? What if I wasn't here?

"Of course you would be here." Harry's voice is accompanied by his and Ron's laughter. "Where else would you be? Anyone who knows anything about you wouldn't have to even guess where you would be right now."

"Ha-ha, Harry. So funny." I say strictly, rolling my eyes.

"He's right 'Mione. How many times did we used to come down and find you still sitting in the common room pouring over your books or homework at three of four in the morning? Some things never change." They're both practically doubled over now in laughter, and the very slight twitch of a smile it brings to my lips make my heart break one-thousand times.

Blinking rapidly I clear the tears threatening to fall, and begin to pack up my bags. They're right, some things never change. But then again, some things do. And the fact that I will be having lunch tomorrow at the one building in Britain that only has horrific memories for me is a sure sign of that. I leave the office and lock up, the sound of their laughter ringing in my ears. I seriously need to get some sleep, or I know, I'll never make it.

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**End chapter 3. Yay! I like it a lot. Now starts the fun part. I will admit the story I have planned out is going to be a good deal longer than I thought, especially with how amazingly short my chapters have been lately… Oh wells. **

**RxR please! I love input!**


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